I have finally opened my eyes to what has been keeping me paralyzed for the past three weeks, FEAR. I am a big chicken, nothing more, nothing less. Well actually yes there is more, I am not trusting in my great God and King with my fears. I am reading a book right now called "Running Scared" by Edward T. Welch. In the second chapter he asks you what your fears are and I started thinking about them (yes there are many) and I was able to see that I have been denying this emotion (or whatever you call it) all along. So I have many fears; mainly fear of the economy, fear of the new president elect and what he will do, fear of confronting other people, etc. Then just a little bit ago I was intercepting a billion calls from insurance agents...so my fear kicked in again. I started to crave sweets because I was denying my fear, so I asked God to help me with these thoughts barraging me. I knew sweets wasn't the answer.
A week ago before realizing I was dealing with fear I got a letter in the mail from John Piper, not a personal letter but the kind of letter where they talk about a certain topic, then they ask for a donation (or not) to be able to receive that CD in the mail. Well the topic was fear, so I went straight ahead to www.desiringgod.com and listened to John's teaching on fear. I wrote down some of the main points and for the past few days I've been trying to memorize Isaiah 41:10 which says, "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I like the part where John says, I am your God - over you. I am with you - by your side. I will strengthen you - from inside you. I will help you - all around you from wherever the enemy comes. I will uphold you - from underneath you.
I am so thankful for friends, a good friend of mine has been praying for me for the past three weeks. She knows my patterns and she felt God prompting her to pray for me. We talked about this today. I can't do this walk alone, no one can. I'm still learning, still growing, still learning to trust in God in all things.
Summer::August:full of sap and green...
6 months ago