Key West

My cousin twisted my arm, gave me an Indian burn (sorry is that wrong to say in this day and age?!) and he's making me write about my vacation! Cousins are oftentimes like brothers, you wanna beat them with your bare hands and yet you can't because you have to be civil! :-P (I think I am having issues with anger this morning, passive aggressive it looks like.)

Anyway, on to my vacation story. Yes we're going to Key West next week. All four of us. All two adults, one child and the alien. Wait did I say "alien"? Well yes and I mean that in total love and compassion. My oldest is a teenager and you know it's really hard to understand her sometimes, well no I mean often times. I love her dearly, please don't get me wrong but I'm thinking that someone bribed us to take her along with us. Or they hypnotized us, or held another loved one for ransom to make us take her along. I know I'm sounding very unloving at this moment but it is a free country and I do have a right to free speech? The last vacation we had with dear daughter was last Thanksgiving and she spent 99.9% of the time in the hotel room, watching TV and talking on the phone to boyfriend number 1. So what fun can that be? But I'm learning about this thing called unconditional love. That means to love someone no matter their faults or the fact that they do nothing for you, nor do they love you back. Well from one of the more well known verses of the Bible, 1 Cor. 13:4-7 it is reminding me of true love. Love is patient, kind, not rude or jealous, love never gives up (my wording). Oh there it is, love never gives up. I think that's where I am asking God to keep me at. My heart, it's crushed and I'm often saddened by her but I will not give up because I am her mother and that's what mothers do right? Anyway, that is probably why I didn't write much about my vacation because I'm having some anxieties about it. So if you have a minute (or two) will you please pray for our trip, that it is full of love, joy, long suffering, health & understanding of each others short comings and loving anyway. Pray for me to be creative in getting her out of the hotel room, pray for her heart to change and her to desire to be with her family (we're aliens to her too). Pray for my heart to change and to live like Christ, to surrender my will and to walk into his footsteps.

When I return I will post pictures and a report of how God worked! It should be fun though because we're going kayaking (hopefully not with alligators), parasailing, snorkeling, fishing, visiting pirate ships, going on glass bottom cruises and of course swimming in the ocean. Who knows, it may thunder and storm and we may all be stuck in the hotel room...

Vacations and School

I'm not really posting much today. I'm just here to say that we're gearing up for our trip to Key West, FL for next week. I've got to be completely ready for Colin's school because the week after we return he is starting school! So that means all of that running around, buying school supplies, uniforms, haircuts, etc. And I must do it before the mad rush gets out there. You know how it is, you're standing in a Walmart school supply isle, seeing that what you need is only 10 feet away but there are somehow 3 baskets between you and 10 people (short AND tall) and the ever coveted trapper keepers that you must have for school! You make your way to the trapper keepers when someone (who you didn't see before you launched) stands up and you have to vear to the left to only be greeted by little people running around yet another cart in the way! Oh so fun. So, join me to Walmart now when there is plenty of elbow and cart space or take a venture out in a couple of weeks when it is an absolute madhouse. Your choice. Love and logic, do you love me now?!

Bon Voyage!

Hope

Do you ever have those times with the Lord that are so sweet, so tender and you want to hold onto it forever? Well I did just a couple of days ago and what I am about to share will bless some of my readers, others may not get it but if you just ask and give Him some of your time you will see, you will see.

I was crying out to God because I'm going through some more digging, letting some things out of the deep dark closet that I've not looked at very closely before or trusted God to carry me through. This will be the most difficult, at least it has been so far. Anyway I was pleading with Him to help me understand something, a loss I've experienced my whole life and I won't go into too much detail to protect the one involved. Anyway, I was laying prostrate on the floor in my bedroom, I needed a kleenex really bad cause I was crying something fierce and I remembered the hankies in my drawer. I'm a hanky kinda girl, whenever I see them or feel them I am reminded of my late Grandpa Weaver...he always had one in his pocket. As did my mom, it's probably a Weaver thing cause now that I think about it pretty much that whole family uses hankies. Anyway, I remembered them because while I was in GJ I bought some more hankies and that's what made me think of it. So I pulled a couple of them out of the drawer, used one beautiful hanky that is covered with red flowers (my favorite color). Then right before I used the next one I was asking God about the struggle I was having, asking Him to grant me what I've always desired. Then I needed the hanky again and I pulled it open from it's nice little fold and I looked down and handstitched on the corner was the word "HOPE". I had to look even closer because it was hard to read with my puffy eyes and tears plus the wording was a mixture of white and blue. As you can imagine I cried even more...and laughed. It was beautiful and so sweet and tender. The simple little word of "hope" was such a minister to my soul. I will never forget it. Here's a snap of my "rhema" word from God:

Sisters

Well we're back from our trip to GJ. That was a relaxing trip, it was one where I'm not sure if I slept more or talked more, both were pretty even. Marchelle and I had a great time catching up, talked about husbands, ex-husbands, children, relatives, girlfriends, work, school, kittens & cats, school, art, houses, the economy, cars, antiques, shopping, hair, tattoos, mullets, clothes, God, books...one conversation lead to another and to yet another. Then we would be tired and we would nap in the afternoon, not a bad time. I learned that she goes through one Bible every year, that she names all of her animals from the Bible (currently Azaria and another that starts with a T - sorry black kitty I just can't recall) and that there are actually cockroaches in Colorado (I won't talk about that one). Anyway, we covered it all and thoroughly enjoyed our time as sisters. What would you ever do without them??

To GJ we will go, To GJ we will go

...hi ho the dair-io the GJ we will go! Kayla and I are taking a weekend trip to visit my sister in Grand Junction, Colorado tomorrow. This week has been full of the crazy, running around, frantic preparations of getting ready to go on a trip. Every day has been hectic and I've gotten much less sleep this week but I'm so excited to be going! This trip will be fun and relaxing but there will be no escape from the heat because GJ is in the desert but it will be an escape from the frantic every day life here. Pray for our trip! Hopefully we will have some good bonding time between my daughter and I as well. Bon voy ag!

Meals

I just wanted to give an update on how I'm doing for meal preparation and following through on all of that. Since Monday we've only eaten out once, I've not heated up any frozen meals and I've cooked 2 meals and baked one item; Beef Noodles, turkey burgers and blueberry muffines (the healthy kind). Not bad for the first week. The rest of the time we have eaten leftovers, a big salad or cereal. Oh but today I did buy a bag of white Mrs. Baird's donutes for Colin. The hardest part for me this week was the planning part but after that was completed it made everything else fall into place.

On another note HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY everyone, I hope you all are out enjoying family, friends, good music and lots of sun and fireworks. Love you!

Walls

I still am finding myself putting walls up between myself and those closest to me. Because of habits I've had my whole life from times of abuse as a child I have these bad habits and one of those is to shut down emotionally during times of conflict, to put walls up and let no one penetrate those high walls. I have learned to be emotionally vulnerable with other friends but my trust issues are still difficult when with my significant other. A close friend of mine gave me a suggestion. To tell my husband that during those times where I have the "fight or flight" symptoms to blurt out a word, a word that has no particular meaning accept that I am saying I am feeling a certain way but I can't express it right now. (does that make sense?) She used to say the word "peanut butter" when feeling that way with her husband. That was a clue to him that she was feeling vulnerable and scared but didn't know how to express it and without things escalating he would understand what that meant and just give her a hug and let her know that things will be OK and that he still loves her. Then they would continue the conversation later when she felt better. I think this would signal a time to get with the Lord, to turn to Him for help and to pray for understanding from my significant other. I am learning so much every day, God is gentle by allowing me to see things a little at a time. Slowly but surely there is healing happening in my heart. God is my refuge, my source of strength. Which reminds me of a passage in Psalms.

Psalm 18:1-2

I love you, O Lord, my strength.
2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

It's shedding season

Everywhere I go there are these little fur particles, I don't want to say fur balls because they're not exactly round. They are just in a pile all by themselves and I keep seeing them everywhere. It's as if the cat was combing himself and combed the hair right off. Very strange. So I think it's time to brush the little bugger.