Friday, September 19, 2008

Confession Time

Hi to my two readers, lol! I have a confession and I am shameful and embarrassed about it. The thing about confessions is that it helps to make you accountable as well as to receive prayers from those that care about you. Whenever I hear something that is about to occur I always assume the worst about people. If we meet our family for dinner and they've picked the place (which is 99.9% of the time) I automatically assume I am not loved enough to be able to pick. Or if there is a need in my ministry and my name is not mentioned I assume it's because they don't like me or I am not good enough. Or if my hubby mentions something about our kids or our home I automatically assume it's because he's got a problem with it and he's the bad guy. It's like I think everyone is always out to get me, to hurt me, to spite me, to use me. I hate to think that I'm one of those people that always sees things half empty rather than half full but I do believe that is true. I think this has a lot to do with pride. It should always be about me right?! Wrong! It's never about me, it's about Christ. But I'm not really writing here to be preachy I just need prayers and accountability in this area. Thanks so much from your sister in Christ.

2 comments:

Becca said...

Hey Pal, I hope you know you're not the only self-centered creature out there! I struggle with those same thoughts - I bet just about everyone does. A lot has to do with how we were raised - cartoons on Saturday mornings, extra-curricular events, friends over, or us over at our friends houses....where was the teaching we needed on serving othes rather than filling our time entertaining ourselves? We just have to discipline ourselves as adults to learn these lessons. It's hard! ;-)

Caroline said...

Great honest blog Rachel! I completely understand where you are coming from and I have sat here trying to debate whether advice is warranted or not, so I will only share my experiences.

From my personal experience, I really had to take the focus off me and realize it is not personal when all these lies that are coming to your head. They are personal in that the enemy is targeting your insecurities, but the events themselves are not personal. I think you hit it on the head when you said it has to do with pride. Why do we automatically assume it is all about us?

I have come to take an ignorant approach to life, but not a foolish approach. I assume it is not about me unless someone comes up to me directly and says it so. Maybe all the signs point to it and if their needs to be ownership, of course I will gladly take it, but it is not my job to clean up someone elses side of the street, only mine. I have definately learned this lesson living over here in Germany, because many times when you don't understand exactly what someone is saying, we automatically think 'Oh,they are talking about me.' Well then I would begin to obsess and think over all the things they could possibly be upset with and what I have done wrong and I end up creating these messes and problems out of nothing.

SO I claim ignorance and I work the best I can. If I fail, let them bring it to me because it is for my good, but otherwise I am going to assume things are alright and nothing is personal....

I know I have rambled, but these are my thoughts. If you want to dialogue a bit about it, email me.

Love,
Caroline

P.S. I will be home for thanksgiving and the week after.